Grasping at straws

 



Not gonna lie today… I am down again. But, I am desperately trying not to hide. Today is another day of facing the death of my renewed dream of teaching. I thought I had discovered a way of living and working in the world that would be a source of joy, and purpose and a bit of ease. And yet, possibilities of taking it the next step have evaded me. And, financially I need way more than I have been making the last 2 years.

I am sad. I am angry. 

With this week’s job interview in an unrelated field not turning into a possibility, I feel like I am grasping at straws for employment. I have another interview this coming week. The income would be okay. But, I am in no way excited. And, the schedule will be a nightmare with 2 teenagers.

I feel kinda lost today.

So, I turned to updating my LinkedIn profile. And I starting coming across all these people I went to seminary with. I had pride seeing what they are doing. But, then the avalanche of being less than came over me as I look at the struggles I have been experiencing for 4 years.

I am so very tired of feeling like I am wandering in the dark wilderness not knowing what to do.

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