Longest nights….

This time of year is often hard for me. The literal darkness outside weighs on my mind. I get shifted into a rumination space. Often worries take over my thoughts and I struggle to hold onto hope.

For nineteen months an ongoing refrain has become a weight…”I need a job”. There are so many parts of life that remain stressful and anxious because I see the income I receive for work and know what gets paid out and what gets essentially ignored because there just isn’t money to care for it. I want a job that I can feel good about going to. I need one that will pay for the bills I have to pay. I want something that will give a little bit a room for some extras.

At this point the employment market hasn’t been showing opportunities that the needs of the situation and my skills and needs to provide for my kids match. I get frustrated. I get angry. I am so often left with only those emotions surrounding this part of my life. The negativity doesn’t help me with my goals of being a better mom and balancing a romantic relationship and being present for them.

I believe we all get stuck in season like this. We get weighed down. We myopically only see the struggle and darkness.during these times it might help us to make a conscious shift to speak about our circumstances with different language.  How have you done this for yourself already?

I have gotten to a pace where I am doing this. When the phrase “I need a job “ arises, I am consciously speaking into the universe “a job is coming”. These last few weeks, when I start to get upset and frustrated, and inpatient, I say this new phrase. It doesn’t help all the time, but it does sometimes. And, growth is about the little steps.