Fear

 I have lived many seasons of my life when I didn’t know or understand what was unfolding. Sometimes it was involving a relationship. Sometimes it was work. Sometimes the season was someone else’s stuff that affected my life directly.

As such, I live with almost constant anxiety. 

There have been times when I have gotten over my anxiety and I sensed so much hope and possibility. 

The last 6 months though…it’s been anxiety. I also generally feel like I have to handle the stuff of my personal life and that I shouldn’t involve anyone else. Not that I feel the need to paint a sunshiny picture. But, I don’t like to ask for help. I don’t want to feel dependent on someone or anyone. These months have been tough, especially financially. 

And here I am…the sun is setting on the day before my life could change drastically for the better. I have a job interview for a full-time teaching position. This would be my secular job. It’s in a district that I feel loyal to. It’s in my 2nd favorite grade. There is so much potential and possibility.

I am not nervous so much about the interview. But, I am scared I won’t get the position and then I have no idea what is next. I am scared to hope.

How do you handle these moments? Because, I have no idea how to do this.