It’s spring…


 Not gonna lie, winter has been a struggle. It usually is to a certain degree as the sun hides and darkness fills the short days, evenings, and nights. Financial stressors have plagued me. In the last month I started a second job, hoping to add enough to my income so that I can afford housings costs. I did this because the search to finding a full-time job that meets my financial needs has proved fruitless.

There have been some struggles with my kids. For their privacy, I am just going to leave it at that. But, this has added to my anxiety.

Yet, it is spring.

The sun is returning. In my neck of the woods it is supposed to be a gorgeous week.

I have had several intuitive nudges that life should be smoothing out in this season. It is hard to trust my intuition. The nearly four year journey I have been on has offered mixed messages as I have traveled which has left me in a space where I just don’t trust myself. 

So often, I feel lonely. I have few people I connect with. Opportunities to connect are and have been few. I was supposed to travel this week for meetings in my new denomination and struggles to find help with care for my kids caused me to cancel travel. So, even that hopeful space for connecting got set aside.

This spring I am trying to focus on telling it like it is. A month ago I was very angry. While the anger has subsided, I am still anxious about the next steps. I am worried about how some of my summer plans are actually going to play out.

I have space to live into my vocational calling as a bi-vocational priest. And, yet I struggle. I don’t know how to offer my spiritual gifts to the world. I don’t even know if I have anything to offer that people would be interested in. If there might be people interested, I don’t know how to connect to them, or “advertise” what I have to offer. 

All this to say that if you are struggling, you don’t do so alone. May spring offer us all gifts to be able to rest in light and life. Blessings to any who read this.



Photo credit…Heather M Baker-McAllister (me and one of my favorite views of spring)

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