Roller Coaster Ride of Life

I need to vent. So, if you are here for encouragement and insight, this isn't the post for you.


It's been nearly three years of a roller coaster for me. Three years since realizing I am gay. Three years of navigating the loss of a 20 year friendship. Three years moving toward separation and divorce. Three years trying to figure out how to parent differently. 

Three years of my vocation changing instantaneously. Three years of the instantaneous loss of collegial friendships.

Throw a world-wide pandemic on top.

I spent 2020 trying to figure out what my vocation could be. I spent spring 2021 to fall 2021 trying to figure out how I could become a full-time teacher without going back to school. I then invested time and money in that path.

Yesterday, I found out that I while I am a good substitute teacher, I won't be getting a full-time position. I don't have the right credentials, name, experience, education, or presentation at interviews to be given serious consideration (especially since I chose a mentoring path rather than another Master's degree).

Thursday, I was feeling creative possibilities about the future. I was excited about my next life chapter. I felt the roller coaster ride coming into the station so that I could jump off and run to a new ride at the "amusement park". 

Instead, the roller coaster broke down at the bottom of the last hill. I am stuck. I am coming to the end of the school year with the realization that if I continue to sub, I will be taking a drastic pay cut (as compaired to the pay I get for being in a short-term placement). It is a financial reality that means that now, I have to change job directions.

And, I am stranded alone. I lost most friends when my life changed direction three years ago. And, making new friends as an adult is nearly impossible.

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