Mama life ...

One aspect of my life which I rarely mention is being a Mama. I do this rather intentionally to protect my children's privacy. But events of this past Saturday have given me a challenge for how I will live my life in the next few days and months. So, the mention here is about inspiration for my own life.

I am a co-leader for my daughter's Girl Scout troop. This means that sometimes my schedule is filled with events geared at helping our girls have new experiences. Yesterday is one example. 

Our troop went on a climbing adventure day. They got to do several challenge experiences throughout the day including climbing a rock wall. I was so proud of my daughter. She climbed. She trusted herself and her own strength. She trusted her baleyer. Ultimately she reached the top.

It was hard. She was exhausted physically at the end of the day. But, she was invigorated because she achieve the goal she set of climbing and reaching the top.

Life is often like this. All of us face challenges. And throughout life, we have to learn to trust ourselves. We have to take leaps of faith so that we can live as our authentic self. 

I have been working for over 5 years, maybe longer, on this specifically...finding my authentic self, loving me, knowing me and living. There are some sections of this journey I wish I could have changed. There are goodbyes I wish I could have said. There are endings I would have handled differently. Next steps...there are parts I wish had a better foundation as I prepare to take the next step. But, I am taking the next step.

Over the last 3 years I have done hard work in therapy to know myself. Today, November 10th, is a day that I am reaching for the next handhold and foothold. I am embracing and loving myself, even though there are people who may walk away from me. I am choosing me even though I know it means there are relationships that will be changed forever; and, there are people who will feel hurt.

Here goes...I am stretching to the next level of my climb.

I am gay. This discovery in my 40's has been a huge challenge. I have had to grapple with so many aspects of why it took me so long to understand this part of who I am. I am still doing this in my ways. I have had to struggle with my faith and how it illuminates my sexuality. I have had to do healing work. But, I am a lesbian. 

Claiming this truth out loud means that my mama life will be transitioning. I will be learning to parent differently. But, pat of claiming this truth about myself outloud is so that I can parent my children well.

I want my children to have a mama who is confident in who she is. I want my children to learn to love themselves now, not when they reach their 40's. I want my children to have a parental example of living a confident and authentic life so that they can lean to do the same for themselves.

Friends, I do not know what struggles you are facing. Things may be smooth at the moment, but rest assured struggles will come throughout life. But, I wish nothing for you but that you could find the inspiration for the next step in your climb. I hope that that inspiration will give you strength. May your journey now and going forward, be blessed with light, love, grace and peace.