Quiet...

I have been increasingly aware that it has been quite sometime since I have written a blog. Nothing specific caused my silence. Rather it's been several life tasks. Mostly I have been busy with life. We have been working on projects around our house, inside and out. I have been focusing on being a mom. And, I have been trying to cherish my solitude. 

I follow several travel photographers from Scotland on Facebook. This week 2 images from the city of Edinburgh struck me. Scotland is just beginning to open up from lock down. There, like here, it was focused on slowing the spread of Covid-19. The first photo was of a mostly vacant Royal Mile in the heart of the city. The second was at the Edinburgh Castle. It showed circles spaced 6 feet apart with people in them to watch the firing of the canon. Having traveled to Edinburgh at this time of year seeing the emptiness and the people spread out was very jarring. This time of year is usually Fringe Festival and the Military Tatoo. The streets were packed when I was there in 2018. So, much so it often felt like I couldn't move.

I generally don't care for crowds. I am not one who is fearful of being alone. But, even I found the pictures of Edinburgh odd. But, these pictures provided a picture of this Covid-19 season for me.

Something about these weeks has kept me focused on breathing in. These weeks have been about distance and few interactions beyond my immediate family.
So, I try to spend time daily breathing in. There have been lots of bird songs for my ears and birds for my eyes. Breathing has also been through listening to the sounds of the river across the road. These days and weeks have been filled with embracing river breezes. 

Nature has been a balm to my soul.

I do have many lonely days. 

But the solitude of the last 4 months has helped me hear my own truth even more clearly.

My hope for you is that even if this season has been rocky for you,  that deep inside you could find the gift, the silver lining. My gift has been solitude and listening.

Peace

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Two months…

Image
  Life has been so different for the last two months. My daughter and I survived an accident pulling out of our driveway. I had two stays in the hospital. I think I had 5 cat scans. I have had 4 X-rays. I have now been doing therapy for a month, the therapy is speech therapy to help me with thinking and getting words out. It’s to help with concentration. I also do vestibular physical therapy to help with tinnitus, visual focus, dizziness, and all the stiffness and movement problems with my neck and shoulder. The evidence of the injuries that can be seen in X-rays has cleared. But, the movement, pain, and neurological struggles remain and I have no idea how long it’s going to remain. It’s also possible that some or all of the symptoms that remain might be permanent. I am still exhausted. Last week and this week I have returned to napping everyday. I am back to worrying about income as I don’t have a job and can’t imagine working on top of the therapies. I have no clue how to pay all...
Read more

Longest nights….

Image
This time of year is often hard for me. The literal darkness outside weighs on my mind. I get shifted into a rumination space. Often worries take over my thoughts and I struggle to hold onto hope. For nineteen months an ongoing refrain has become a weight…”I need a job”. There are so many parts of life that remain stressful and anxious because I see the income I receive for work and know what gets paid out and what gets essentially ignored because there just isn’t money to care for it. I want a job that I can feel good about going to. I need one that will pay for the bills I have to pay. I want something that will give a little bit a room for some extras. At this point the employment market hasn’t been showing opportunities that the needs of the situation and my skills and needs to provide for my kids match. I get frustrated. I get angry. I am so often left with only those emotions surrounding this part of my life. The negativity doesn’t help me with my goals of being a better mom and ...
Read more

Don’t say it can’t get worse…

Image
  For months, I have felt increasing anxiety moving towards panic about my situation.  Job-  find something apply. Usually I end up hearing nothing. I have had 2 job interviews since the beginning of 2024. One I just didn’t meet the mark against all the other candidates. The other actually ended up being a “not sure what you want from us” we filled this position this morning. When I get feed back from not getting job interviews or being offered positions it’s literally l am overeducated and under qualified. Employees don’t want to hire me for starting positions because they are afraid that something else will come along and I will quit. I have applied for state and county jobs. I have applied for direct care agencies. I have applied at schools. 2 years ago I made the decision to leave the United Methodist Church because of their stance on LGBTQIA persons. I am gay. I am trying to learn to live myself. It’s very hard because of internalized homophobia. I have girlfriend no...
Read more