Friendship....

I have posted several memes lately which relate to long-lasting friendship, especially as it relates to difficult seasons. I think I have shared the posts mostly as encouragement to myself. I continue to walk this season which is difficult, lonely, and deeply marked by the absence of one of the most important people in my life during the last nearly twenty years.

Today, I found this quote about friendship:

"A true friend is someone who neither leads nor follows, but walks with you. "

This season is, for me, marked by the fact that I do not have anyone who is walking with me or whom I am walking with. Too, many people in my life are affected by decisions I have made. Thus, many are persons whom I can't walk with or who cannot truly walk with me in the rhythms of a deep friendship. 

Sure, I have lots of acqaintences that are fun to sometimes hangout with. I have one friend who is still there, but whose attention is spread mostly on my daughter, her God-child right now.

The last months have shown me that I no longer have a true friend who can share the joys and frustrations of my life right now. I feel like the person that used to walk with me and me with them, decided they would no longer. They stopped checking in on me. And the feelings I have about myself and the words she said during our last conversation, left me feeling I could not contact her. Their continued silence has communicated this to me. I have said this before, but it bears repeating, I have never felt so very alone.

What I miss most right now, is feeling like there is someone who is walking with me. I miss having someone who willingly pulls up a chair with me, just to listen.

Instead, the person who used to wear those shoes, decided she no longer wanted to be associated with the mess of the season I am in. It's as though I started to be seen as someone who would contaminate her life and image. She couldn't risk being associated with me any longer. And, when I said as much, I was accused of trying to manipulate her.

I don't want to post this entry, leaving it only as a venting post. Rather I way to offer a challenge and opportunity to us all. Ask yourself: Who are my true friends? Who are the people whose presence is marked by time and consistency? Who are the people you walk beside and sit beside you no matter what good, bad, or ugly has come their way. Who are the people who do that for you?

Those people are gifts. Celebrate what you have. Offer to them an ear geared at hearing their heart, an ear that helps you to see the same truth you have seen in them throughout your relationship. Start there rather than jumping to the conclusion that when they fail in your eyes that they have changed. Hopefully offering that type of presence in a friend's life will set up a mutuality in which they can offer you the same.

As humans, we deeply need this type of companionship. I hope that it exists for you and that you find you are able.to share that presence in the life of someone else.