Random Wednesday thoughts...
The last year has taught me a tremendous amount about myself and how events that occurred in my childhood, adolescent, and young adult years have shaped me, my personality, and how I respond to new life events. Having been exposed to grief and death repeatedly at very young ages has shaped much about who I am. These events have left me with a type of post-traumatic stress disorder called complex-PTSD. One of the ways that it exhibits itself is through how I see myself and how I assume others see me. These many months have been ones in which I am learning to break the thought patterns. I am learning, but the patterns aren't broken yet. I always see myself as less than, not good enough. I have spent most of the last 42 years trying to make myself be what so many people, and the world, have said I should be like and want to be. I see so many ways in which I am passed over, unnoticed, forgotten. I assume people don't want to have anything to do with me. I assume people won't o...